Reviewing your mentoring relationship

Ideally, a first review would take place after the second or third meeting with a focus on how the relationship isworking. This is a good checkpoint as it allows a discussion to open out if either of you feel things aren’t working.

Reflection Time

Question 1 – Reviewing the actual relationship.
What questions might you ask each other when reviewing the actual relationship itself?

Some questions you might ask at this point are:

1. How are we doing?
2. What is the quality of our interactions?
3. Are we meeting sufficiently frequently?
4. Are these meetings long enough?
5. Are we both adhering to the original commitments we made to each other?
6. Have we built enough rapport? In what way might we strengthen our relationship?
7. What do we need to change to make our time together more effective?
8. Do we both have confidence that we will achieve our goals?
9. What am I learning about myself as a learner in this process?

It is good practice to revisit these questions as often as you both feel is appropriate – but every 3-4 meetings is a good guide.

Reflection Time

Question 2 – Reviewing the goals and quality of conversations.
What questions might it be useful to ask when reviewing goals and the quality of your conversations?

As you progress in the relationship, you may also like to add in further questions with some related to reviewing your goals and others that focus on the quality of your conversations.

1. Do we feel we’re making real progress in the relationship?
2. Where have the mentoring sessions helped so far?
3. Have we begun to make progress towards realising our learning goals?
4. What is our greatest success so far? And our biggest frustration?
5. Are we preparing adequately for meetings?
6. Are we reflecting sufficiently after meetings?
7. What are our thoughts in terms of this relationship around:
   1. trust and rapport
   2. challenge of each other
   3. depth of our discussions
   4. management of boundaries
   5. openness and honesty

It can also be useful to reflect on where you are in your relationship against the five identified phases that developmental mentoring relationships tend to pass through:

Phase 1: Building rapport – this phase is often critical in determining how well your relationship will work or whether you want to work with each other at all. Here you learn to respect and trust each other, test how open you can be with each other and develop a common understanding of the ground rules of how you will work together and agreeing how your relationship will be conducted.

Phase 2: Setting direction – having a sense of purpose for your relationship (a much broader framework, upon which to develop goals that are fully authentic) is closely associated with both relationship quality and positive outcomes for your mentee. Having at least one clear goal is important in creating a sense of purpose and urgency. A mentoring relationship without learning goals will not have momentum.

Phase 3: Progression – this is the core period of your mentoring relationship. You have come to know and respect each other, there is a clear sense of purpose for your relationship, against which day-to-day issues can be contextualised, and mentoring conversations are characterised by openness, depth of reflection and mutual learning. This is where most of the time and effort is expended in a relationship and you are supporting your mentee with the commitment to personal change your mentee has made.

Phase 4 and 5: Winding up and moving on – most formal structured mentoring programmes will have a defined end or suggested timeframe. To ensure the winding up and moving on from any mentoring relationship is well-managed, it is important to consider how to plan and manage closure, looking back at what has been learnt and also looking to the future. This will be evident if you notice the relationship is becoming more mutual in terms of learning and support and your mentee is becoming more self-reliant ie your mentee is in charge of the relationship and your role is now much more supportive.

Reflection Time

Question 3 – How you know you have had a good meeting

The meeting might have resulted in the following:

• It was related to an agreed purpose ie the agenda we set or progress on your mentees goals.
• It focussed on issues and we got under the surface.
• We both felt stretched.
• We came away with clear actions and next steps.
• We both learn something.
• We both looking forward to the next one.